There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
