Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
