We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
My vagina just recognized that song.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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