We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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