That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
