why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I wish life had little blips of pornography
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
