I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
