He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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