yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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