if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
