so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
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