Swine flu. Run for my life!
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Randomize
