She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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