You work out of a Hotel?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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