I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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