Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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