pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
