It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I can't put those talents on a resume
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
