good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I got her a Nickelback box set.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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