I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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