remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
