one word: firstdatebathroomanal
she smelled like a LAN party
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
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