went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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