woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
