R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
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