my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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