Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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