The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
