Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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