My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
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