Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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