Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
