She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
