we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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