Where did you get a picture of my penis
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
