I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
