Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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