one two three fourrrrnication!
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize