Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
