He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
