I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
