I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
