Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Randomize
