I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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