I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
