why didn't you poke me back
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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