Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
