smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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