I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
