Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
