I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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