Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
