I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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