one might say we're banned from that church
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Randomize