erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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