lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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