I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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