dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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