Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize