is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize