I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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