guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
