Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
