my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
