The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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