The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
