forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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