even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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