I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Randomize
